La Manga Mayhem

This blog has been written due to a multitude of requests, badgering and lots of “aww come on Bels” “you have to do a La Manga blog”. This one certainly is not of my own making. I usually like the term “what happens in La Manga stays in La Manga” This is my third year of attending the CityPink annual bank holiday trip to La Manga club in Murcia Spain.

Each year CityPink, a city based female only networking group take a bunch of mature, respectable business focused city slickers for a weekend of sport and fun in the sun. My blogs are normally around the 500-1000 word mark – this one I just don’t know where to start, but I think I can sum it up in ten words and one number.

“29 women, tennis, golf, fun in the sun, cocktails and carnage”

 

Let’s start with the sensible stuff…

La Manga Club is an exclusive award-winning holiday, sports and leisure resort located in a privileged setting bordered by natural parks and unspoilt beaches, offering luxury, leisure and sport.

The sports facilities are world-class in nature and world class in guest lists. The England football team train here as their sunshine getaway. David Haye plays tennis here every year and the resort is frequently visited by other top named sports stars.

This year Kenny Dalgleish, Alan Hansen, the Swedish ladies football team (that was a Spa afternoon to remember) and CityPink elite athletes graced the hallowed golfing turf and clay version wimbledon-esque tennis academy.

La Manga TA

The staff, hotel and facilities are 5* in luxury and service. I would say 5000* especially my gorgeous little tennis coach ‘Jose’ he has the patience of a saint!! My tennis weekend started off eager and focused, I even posted on Instagram “This years all about the tennis” Laugh out loud!

Beginning of the weekend……

“Ooooh Keeeelllllyyyy, wait for the ball Kelllyyyy why you no behind the base liiiinnnneeee, seeeee whhhaaattaaaa happens when you wait for the baaalllll, yooouuuuu plaaaayyy ddaaaa shhhhoottssss – leeeesssaaaa ddaaaa power Kelllyyyyy – have a da focus, and consistency”…. (Said in best Spanish/Scottish accent)!!!

End of the weekend…..

“Ooooohahhhhhhh Keeeellllyyyyy, why you no mooovvaaa your feet today? tooooo much of the alcohol, yes?”

Tennis2

My feet moved sharpish off the court to make it for a visit to the chunder bus… yes Jose’ way too much alcohol.

Chunder buses to shuttle buses.

This is definitely a down side to the La Manga resort there are not enough shuttle buses and you are forever waiting for one to get around the resort.

Entering the shuttle bus is, like entering a time machine. Hours upon hours can be lost in those shuttle buses. Especially between the hours of 2am and 5am. Rumour has it that the shuttle buses end at 2am – not true though eh girls? some of us can get “home” on the shuttle bus at 4.30am – what happens on the shuttle bus – stays on the shuttle bus!!

Not sure my nickname for the weekend is at all appropriate now “Shuttlebus Kels Bels” 

Nicknames were given for a team ‘Golf’ afternoon – well, I call it Golf, it was actually 18 holes of pitch and putt. (With Cava at the 9th hole – fatal on every level)!!! It started with my best party buddy Anita – we are known to be a bit of a double act. She was our golf captain for the afternoon as she’s now a golf pro expert. “Anita Palasteros” This year she gave up tennis for golf lessons. She made one lesson I think. Champagne breakfasts were far more appealing.
Champagne Breakfast

Anyway, led by “Captain Palasteros” Golf pro extraordinaire we arrived to collect our golf stuff! By the way, our outfits also rocked! Barbie’s was the best. Nothing new there then… Although watch out Barbs… Zoe is giving you a run for your money!

Pal pipes up at the golf hut “Bels why do we all need 2 sticks each?” “Errrrrrrrr Pitch & Putt Pal” one for pitch and one for putt. Good job we attend the City Pink tennis tournament each year and not the golf one!!!

However, we did not know that actually on our team, we had a real Golf Pro of our very own “CHARLOTTE 007 MOORE” (there’s another blog, another time, to explain why Charlotte’s name is in bold). Now aptly named 003!

Team tennis golfers were born. Captain Palasteros, Barbie, Shuttle Bus Bels and Charlotte 003 Moore. Drunk by the 11th hole we all needed the toilet – Pal went first, me next but I got the wrong ‘toilet block’ one foot in the door, all I can hear is 003 SCREAMING across the ‘fairway’ “BELS that’s not the toilet block – that’s somebody’s villa” oooppppssss…

Headlines in the Sun: Small, blonde, female, city slicker arrested for breaking and entering in 5* professional sports resort.

Pal, then gets locked in the actual toilet and I’m dancing on the fairway. The ‘round’ ended with Saibh running at me on the 18th “My fecking family is in the pond” (said in best Irish accent). Child one fell in, the wife went to the rescue – fell in, child two went on to ‘rescue’ mum and brother. Sensible family member stayed on the fairway and laughed.

Golf

If Carlsberg did Golf days…… 

From dancing on the fairways to dancing in the Piano Bar…. Now I’m well known to hijack bands at weddings, parties and generally any given night out (It’s why I am no longer invited) but this year I had a partner in crime – yup you guessed it Palasteros. Carnage at every turn.

After this weekend, the Piano Bar at La Manga will never be the same again. We had dancing, singing, tambourine, and some of the best chat up lines you will have ever heard in your whole life… “Fheeellll MA Lhheggsss” (said in the best drunken Scottish accent) and “Fhheeell MA Lubes” from Kim. To normal, sensible people in the world, Lubes actually means Glutes and we all know you meant feel your muscles really Kim. Highlight of the weekend…….

Feel Ma Legs

With every blog and travel adventures there are always 5 tips from the now wise. Here is mine for City Pink’s La Manga weekend:

  1. Watch the shuttle bus after 2am – taxi might be best.
  2. If you are intending to get into bed next to your wife naked after multiple vodka & tonics, tequila, champagne, red & white wine, then spending half the night on the bathroom floor chundering – then TAKE OFF your lipstick for the morning after!! It is not a good look ANNA!!
  3. Go to bed early if you are an elite athlete. Chundering on the tennis court is not dignified!
  4. Do not drink alcohol at the 9th playing serious Golf. People may drown in 1ft of gunge and be arrested for breaking and entering.
  5. Stay ALERT at every City Pink event – next time…. It could be you….. 

Here’s to being “DEMURE” at La Manga 18’ only 360 days to go. If Carlsberg did weekends………

Best photo on Facebook….

The end

Adios Amigos, Hasta la proxima vez!!!!!

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